Re-imagine Failure to Achieve Success

Learn how to value your mistakes, forgive yourself, learn from them, and move on!

By definition, the word failure has a negative connotation to imply “inability to perform; lack of success; a falling short” (Merriam-Webster, 2017). The idea that it can be re-imagined may be foreign to most of us, but the reality is that without failure there is no opportunity for success. That is, no opportunity to improve actions or behaviors without having something to compare it to or test against. As many of us have learned, and continue to learn, failure only becomes an absolute negative if we allow it to stunt our growth and prevent our efforts to reach success.

How to Stop Focusing on Your Mistakes and Failures

Reminiscing and thinking about past experiences can be a useful exercise to develop a healthy respect for things that have come and gone. As they say, learning from history is how you best plan for the future. However, if you find yourself constantly living in the past, ‘replaying’ events in your mind like a broken record, then this can be far more damaging than helpful. Constantly repeating mistakes in your head is not only an unpleasant experience, it is also a surefire way to make yourself feel less confident and less up for challenges in the future.

So, how do you stop doing that?

Learn to Value Your Mistakes

The first thing to do is to value your mistakes. Remember that mistakes teach us things, they make us stronger and wiser and they give our personal narratives a more interesting and more unique bent compared with others. It may not really be our successes that cause us to grow and develop, but our mistakes and each failure bring us one step closer to being the person we want to be.

Once you realize that your mistake has merit and value in itself, you can be a little more comfortable accepting it as part of your story.

Forgive Yourself

Many of us focus on our failures and obsess over them because we feel frustrated at ourselves or even guilty. The key is to stop thinking of yourself as someone who needs to perform perfectly. Remember: you’re only human and mistakes are par for the course. They are acceptable and even to be expected. Once you take that on board, you can let them go. Ask yourself: would you beat someone else up if they had the same failure?

Learn to Let Go

Letting go of itself is something of an art form. If you’re someone who has a tendency to think and behave in an unhealthy, anxiety-driven way, then this is a skill that’s well worth learning. Try seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist, who is someone that can teach you the art of letting go and also of reframing your thoughts into a healthier, more positive way of thinking.

Look Forward & Move On

The next thing to do is to look forward and to remember that things are going to get better. You’ve had your mistake, so how are you going to learn from it and use it to drive yourself towards future victory?

Instead of thinking about how your last relationship or situation was a failure, focus on how you’re going to make the next one a success. Move on and be empowered!

Brittny C. Lyle, MAMFT, LPC, CPCS is the owner and CEO of BCL Clinical Solutions LLC, the home of Bold. Conscious. Leaders., a counseling and consulting practice that applies a clinical, systemic and solution-focused perspective to the growth and development of individuals, professionals, and organizations. Her mission is to share encouragement and expertise through authenticity, creativity, and practicality to educate and empower others, enhance personal and professional relationships, and redefine the term ‘holistic care’ in mental and behavioral health services.

© 2017 BCL Clinical Solutions LLC. All rights reserved.

The 5 P’s of a Bold. Conscious. Leader.

Five fundamentals for leading boldly while remaining conscious of others.


To help you see my vision, I want to share with you what I believe to be five fundamental areas that characterize a Bold. Conscious. Leader.


Through my experiences, I have learned, and continue to learn, the innate interconnection between our personal and professional lives. Our society often times wants to separate the two, but it is impossible. As ‘persons’, we operate from our personal experiences regardless of the environment we are in.  Which is why I believe that identifying and valuing our authentic self and learning to do the same of others, is key to leading a healthy, balanced life in all types of environments.


In addition to valuing the person, it is also important to value principles. Principles provide structure, order, and a foundation. A person or business that lacks principles has built a foundation upon the sand; inevitably sinking and becoming swallowed by what was lawlessly created. Contrarily, creating a stable foundation upon sound principles provides you with something sturdy that you can build upon.


A third element that is the most transparent and the easiest to detect is one’s practice. In this case, as a counselor, I am not referring to ‘practice’ in terms of trade. Instead, my intention is to make this a focus on the things we say and do, or not do. The way we interact with one another at home, in the workplace, in the community, etc. You know the saying, ‘actions speak louder than words.’ It’s cliché, but its true. The way we practice is an undisguised demonstration of our principles or lack thereof.


Another fundamental component of living a bold conscious life is our pledge. Having an intentional awareness of what or who we pledge to gives us purpose. In other words, our pledge or commitment drives us to act out of our true character. It reveals whether we are able to push through hardships, refusing to give up, or if we choose to surrender to the forces against us. Upholding a pledge is not easy. Especially, not on your own. This is why the last piece is so vital.


As social beings, we are not able to survive, let alone thrive without connecting, communicating, or communing with each other. And quite frankly, why would we want to try? Think about all of the things you have learned and experienced from your interactions with people. All kinds of people, from relatives to total strangers, of all ages and backgrounds, each having a unique personality and experience that has given you an opportunity to learn and grow in ways you never expected. Here’s my second cliché for the day…’sharing is caring.’